


The Cut That Always Bleeds

by sneezky



Series: Dream SMP Fics [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28996740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sneezky/pseuds/sneezky
Summary: Sapnap reflects on his relationship with Dream, and where it led him.-Very loosely related to my other fic, but can definitely be read on its own.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Dream SMP Fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127213
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	The Cut That Always Bleeds

Sapnap, now, whenever he managed to concede to sleep, was plagued with the same restless dreams. Dream was always there, standing just out of reach. He would call out to him and get no response. He'd walk towards him and he'd move away. And every time he let himself cry. As long as it wasn’t in the waking world, it was fine by him. As the tears began to seep into the cotton of his shirt, he’d finally snap awake, with the covers kicked off the bed, and a cold sweat shining on his skin. As he would wipe the stray tears from his cheeks, he tried not to think about the empty space on the bed next to him. 

Sapnap is smarter, stronger, and braver than the thirteen-year-old boy he once was. But some things never change, do they? His fingers twitched at his side, long-scarred, but now blistering once again. Old habits die hard, and he was no stranger to a box of matches. Maybe he should be more worried, but he was a moth drawn to a flame, and Dream wasn’t there to distract him from it’s welcoming warmth anymore. But, as long as he had his fires, he didn’t have to feel his heartbreak. all he can feel is the hot, suffocating heat, and the burning, black smoke. He lets it consumes all the feelings swirling in his chest as they threatened to pour-over. 

It wasn’t his fault. He had tried to be there for Dream. He stayed at his side for so long, because that was all he had ever known. He was there when Dream first asked him to burn down the forests surrounding L’manberg. As he burned Tubbo’s home to ashes. He was at his side as they massacred everyone in the final control room-- Tommy, Tubbo, Wilbur, and Fundy. He bit his tongue as he watched Dream choose to ally himself with Schlatt, raising his sword and shield along with him. He didn’t argue when Dream had allowed Niki to kill Sketchers. Or when he sided with Tommy of all people and handed Mars over to him. He watched as Dream went from the kind and ambitious young boy he once was to the cold and cunning man everyone knew him as. But none of this could ever change anything. And that was the whole problem, wasn’t it? There was a softness in him that he could never be free of. Maybe that softness was just an inherent part of him. He knew that he loved Dream. Everyone else knew too. It was the only way he had learned how to survive. It killed him to have been the first to leave.

There were other dreams too. In those dreams, he found that he could say all the right things. Dream would apologize, and Sapnap would forgive him, because how could he not? They would smile and laugh and fall back into place with each other. They would share a kiss, and everything would feel right and okay again. And then, he’d wake up alone. His subconscious had a cold cruelty to it. 

He couldn’t bury how he felt for the other if he tried. There were just too many feelings, memories, and pieces of history that followed him everywhere. The two bottles of nail polish, one black, one a bright and neon green, that now sat collecting dust on his bedside table. The silver promise ring that hung from his neck that he couldn’t bring himself to remove. They were too hard to ignore, and he could still feel the echoes of a warm hand in his if he let his mind wander for too long. God, what had happened to them? Weren’t they meant to last forever? Wasn’t Dream the one who had told him that nothing would ever change? He promised him. He promised that they could be happy together. That lie hurt more than any TNT blast ever could. 

He found himself visiting the community house more often than he ever had before. Rather, what used to be the community house, that is. The rubble told a story. He found himself trying to speak to it, so that maybe he could understand why Dream did what he did, why he chose to go down a path he could never follow. Was he not good enough for him? Maybe, if things he had done things differently, they wouldn’t be where they were now. But he couldn’t change the past, and it wasn’t good to spend too much time dwelling on it either. 

He wonders if Dream thinks of him. He wonders if when he closes his eyes at night, he’s plagued with the same horrors that Sapnap himself faces. He wonders if Dream tries to call out and chase him too. He wonders-- no, he hopes-- that Dream wishes things were different. He hopes that Dream also thinks of the times they shared together as he stared at the clock as it ticked away, long into the night. Maybe he woke up in a cold sweat too. Maybe he also had to wipe the tears from his eyes before they spilled out. He wondered if Dream thought about their promise. If he still kept the ring that had once meant the entire world to him. 

Sapnap didn’t want to be the only broken one left, not because it wouldn’t be fair, but because he needed to know that he actually meant something to Dream. That all the times he told him he loved him, all the times they fell into bed with each other, all the times his lips pressed up against his, that they all meant something. That he wasn’t just another tool or asset to him.

There was only one way to find out all that he wanted-- needed-- to know. Wherever Dream went, he’d be sure to follow, right? Because he still thinks about him, each and every day, without fail. He still loved him, too. He hadn’t ever stopped loving him, not really. And it hurt. And it still hurts, and no amount of ashes or glowing embers could change that for him. 

So really, it was to be expected where he ended up next.

“Dream?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to get some feedback on this, so kudos and comments are always appreciated, thanks for reading :D I'd also like to mention really quick that I put together a dreamnap playlist on spotify if anyone is interested (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/67rn2DGkOk51MT7OXCR39h?si=PfVycHxrRK-YO1nNEfI1Dw, best listened to in order!), it definitely helped in putting this fic together, thanks again!


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